Threads Is the Least Sexy Social Media App in Human Existence

Just say no to thekth

Yesterday I posted what so far is proving to be my most popular post on Threads. A few days ago, Threads, Meta’s “Twitter-killer” app, rolled out hashtags. Curious and bored, which is my baseline state, I searched #porn on Threads. As you can see by the above image that reproduces the results of my hashtag-porn search, there were “No results.” Was there no porn on Threads? I had never encountered any. This was no surprise to me. As I understand it, Threads has the same Community Guidelines as Instagram, seeing as they are both Meta properties. No nudity allowed. No sexual intercourse. No genitals. No close-ups of fully-nude buttocks. You get the idea. Since I shared my findings, noting “This app is terrible” and including the hashtag #Threads, my post has generated well over a hundred likes. Mostly, the likes are from men, who seem to get whatever it was I was trying to say. As one commenter pointed out: “Lmao that's the only thing x has that threads doesn't.” By x, of course, he meant X, by which, obviously, he meant the app formerly known as Twitter. As I, myself, well know, being a longtime X/Twitter user, there is a lot of porn on X/Twitter. There are penises, hard and soft, vaginas, stripped and spread, X-rated videos and hardcore content galore. Many people do not like Elon Musk for many reasons, and there has been much public debate over his designating himself a “free speech absolutist,” but one would be hard pressed to deem him an Enemy of Pornography. Threads, a Mark Zuckerberg property, is the opposite of X: an app in which sex doesn’t exist. If X is a raging erection, Threads is the blank, phallus-less space between a Ken doll’s legs.

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